I get a lot of junk email at my UVA address, much of which I believe is forwarded from my UW address, which has had more than a decade to bounce around the Internet and get on everyone's porn/organ enhancement/college degree/low-rate mortgage/earnest letter from Nigeria list. I need to figure out filters on the thing. This is why I much prefer gmail. Anyway, I have been getting emails from several identities in particular, and they are nefarious: Simon, Reginald, Walter. Because I associate the name Simon with a creepy stalker-nerd personality, even though I can't think of a particular Simon who meets that description. Because the one Reginald I know of will probably be the last person on earth to use email, since Microsoft hasn't come out with Outlook in Latin yet. Because I dated a guy named Walter very briefly and rather disastrously.
But the most eerie name for some reason is Rogert. It is not a real name. It is the name of a slimy gremlin alien who speaks in a monotone and can turn you into a zombie by surrounding you with all its little Rogert friends and sucking out your soul. And I want him to stop offering me Viagra.
1 month ago