Pet peeves

Nobody sent me this meme, but I found it on Terry Teachout's arts blog, so I'm gonna do it because I'm feeling peevish.

• Grammatical pet peeve. The same as Teachout's: misplaced apostrophes. I remember my eighth-grade English teacher was very disappointed with a crop of papers because so many of us inserted a malicious apostrophe in the word "its" used as a possessive pronoun. If I learned the proper use of apostrophes in eighth grade, how come so few college graduates know? Almost as irksome is the habit some families have of putting a sign that says "The Smith's" in front of their vacation homes. Stop it, please. Just stop.

Runner-up: the phrase "back in the day." What day? Today's a day. This phrase requires a relative clause.

• Household pet peeve. Cupboards and drawers that are open, because somebody, I won't name names, doesn't close them. This was more annoying in Berkeley, because the corners of the kitchen cabinets were right at my eye level and they had nasty old nails and things sticking out of them and I was afraid I would get tetanus and die.

• Arts and entertainment pet peeve. When I can't read a book anymore because it's been turned into a movie and all the editions in the bookstore say "NOW A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE EVENT!" on the cover, so everyone who sees me reading it will know I wasn't cool enough to read it before it became a movie.

• Liturgical pet peeve. I'm not sure I'm entitled to one, seeing as I've hardly been Catholic long enough to accumulate them. Yet I have several! First one: There are not enough Latin masses. The nearest Latin mass is in Richmond. Boo. I want more Latin. Next: I sing in the choir because the music is so chirpy that I really would rather concentrate on hitting the alto notes than singing about peace and justice flowing like ketchup on a bun while all the women and men build the city of God and tell their stories. On eagles' wings. Next: priests who say the mass too fast. This is the body and blood of CHRIST, yo. Recognize.

(That was not a Gizoogle hiccup; I really said that.)

• Driving pet peeve. (This is not in the original, but I'm adding it.) In Virginia: people who don't turn from the turn lanes, rather blocking two lanes simultaneously because, I don't know, they're annoying. In the Northwest: people who drive in the passing lane despite the fact that they're going slower than the flow of traffic. I love you all, but seriously. Justin and I were having fits the last time we drove through Oregon and Washington. He's from the East Coast and he doesn't understand you like I do. I find this habit of yours annoying, yet quaint; he just finds it annoying.

• Wild card. This is not fair to people who can't spell my name, but I don't like that people can't spell my name. It's not Juliette (which at least is a real name), or Julliet, or Juleit, or Juilet, or anything else that isn't even phonetically correct. Do people not read Romeo and Juliet anymore? I guess not. And don't even get me started on my last name, the one I share with Justin. Why can't people spell that, you're wondering? Well, I don't know either.

And there's my pet peeve that if you send this meme to six friends of yours in the next six hours, you'll find a four-leaf-clover in your armpit or something cute like that. Just do it if you want.